I’m at work right now.
I’m still wearing my pajamas.
Welcome to the strange new world of coronavirus lockdown.
OK. Full disclosure – I’ve been wearing my pajamas at work for several years. That’s the beauty of working at home. Some of those It’s Your Dime Videos I did last year…I was wearing a shirt and tie with my pajama pants.
But for those of you new to working at home – welcome to the wonderful world of comfy pants at work! Nice, isn’t it?
But as a lot of people have learned, working at home isn’t for everyone. Some people can’t work when they aren’t in a “work” environment. Too many distractions. You’ve got the cat walking on your keyboard, your wife coming in and asking you to do this or that “real quick,” your kids informing you that they’re bored and the TV set in the next room begging you to watch some more Netflix.
And the refrigerator.
Want a snack? It’s right there. You don’t even have to put a dollar in the machine. Want another snack? It’s still right there.
How about another?
By the time this is all said and done, we’re all going to weigh 500 pounds.
But some people have told me they’re losing weight while on lockdown. They’ve started working out just to battle the boredom. Or maybe just to get away from the kids yelling, “I’m bored.”
Working at home isn’t the only new reality brought on by coronavirus. Shopping is a whole new experience.
For instance, a lot of stores have implemented one-way aisles. They have little Xs and arrows on the floor.
This is an abject failure.
Bertrum has to get his chips and soda NOW. He’s not going to be bothered with one-way arrows in Walmart. By the way, Bertrum is wearing his pajama pants too. But not to work. Bertrum ain’t got no job.
Anyway, people don’t pay attention to where they’re going in the car. Do you really think they’re going to pay attention while pushing a shopping cart and hunting for snacks? The answer here is 100 percent, no.
The whole one-way thing creates a dilemma too. What if you pass by an item you need? Do you go all the way back around the horn? (Hint – nobody does this.) Or do you just ignore the one-way arrow and turn around? (Hint – most people do this.) I’ve actually found a compromise. I back up. I’m technically still facing the correct direction, right?
This whole thing is a boon for the holier-than-though types, though. You can generate some pretty nasty looks while backing your cart down a grocery aisle. My favorite move is when they look indignantly at the arrow at the end of the aisle and then look at me. Mind you, these people never actually say anything. It’s all passive-aggressive. They’re terrified of getting The ‘Rona so they aren’t going to actually interact with you. They say it all with their eyes.
This works well, of course, because that’s all you can see — their eyes. Everybody is wearing a mask.
I’m somewhat flummoxed by this. Remember back in the deep, dark annals of history – like four weeks ago – when the CDC said a mask wouldn’t stop The ‘Rona? Now that we’re in the new millennia of late April, some places are starting to mandate masks. On a side-note, the WHO still doesn’t recommend masks for healthy people unless they’re taking care of a COVID patient.
So, why the mandates? Aren’t we supposed to listen to the experts?
Here’s a little tip for any of you experts who might be reading: we’d all be more apt to listen to you if you’d make up your damn minds.
Regardless, if wearing a mask makes you feel safer, by all means, wear one. But let me give you a few tips.
You still need to wash your nasty hands.
And pulling the mask off your mouth to talk is not helpful. Also, your grandpappy’s bandana is not stopping a virus. The 1870s train robber look is pretty cool though. So, there’s that. And it makes Bertrum feel better while he’s bumping you with his cart as he passes you in his rush for the chips.
Anyway, this is the world we live in now — a strange new world. This may even be the new normal. If nothing else, it will be good for the pajama makers.
Have a good weekend!
Fun on Friday is a weekly SchiffGold feature. We dig up some of the off-the-wall and off-beat stories relating to precious metals and share them with you – with tongue firmly planted in cheek. Click here to read other posts in this series.
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