The UN Panel on Outrage Change has confirmed the worst: global levels of outrage may reach the point of no return in 2020.
Outrage levels previously reached dangerous highs during the Bush administration, but Obama was able to reverse the trend. He didn’t change much about the way Bush was handling things, but he was a Democrat, so outrage levels went back down as the press stopped reporting on scandals and corruption.
However, in 2016, global outrage reached record highs, especially among Democrats. Republicans had been mildly outraged during the Obama years but mostly had to go to work so didn’t have much time to spew toxic, harmful outrage into the environment. Libertarians have generated almost no outrage since they are high all the time.
Experts believe the reelection of Trump in 2020 would be “catastrophic,” catapulting outrage levels well into the stratosphere.
“If we do not cut our anger emissions immediately, the world will be consumed by fiery outrage by the end of next year,” said outrage expert Dr. Hal Gourd, pointing to a hockey-stick graph.
The audience responded by getting really mad, shaking their fists at the sky and making loud grunting noises.
“Now, now, let’s all calm down,” Gourd said, but this only angered the crowd further.
Finally, Gourd began to freak out as more and more bricks were lobbed his direction.
“OK, FINE, IT’S TIME TO PANIC! AHHHHHH!!!!”
He jumped out a window to his waiting luxury jet and flew away.
Experts recommend everyone stop “yelling and stuff,” so we can prolong our inevitable death by outrage a few years. Those who do not wish to stop being outraged can purchase “outrage credits,” generated by people who are just chillin’.
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